The Korean Drama that Brought My Heart So Much Pain

Got so affected by Rooftop Prince. It was a good watch, but I got depressed after watching it. It caused me a lot of pain watching it. I felt I knew exactly what the female lead character was feeling in the drama. I related to her so much. I cried like a baby on some scenes in the drama, most especially during the wedding scene when Prince Lee Gak disappeared to return to Jeoson. I felt the excruciating pain and even as I am writing about it now it brings tears to my eyes.

Rooftop Prince was a very good watch. The lead actors were great, especially Park Yoochun and Han Ji-Min. I just hate that it brought my heart so much pain. TT.TT

The Lord Has Spoken

At the early hours of Tuesday, I asked You, Lord to give me a sign that would confirm/re-confirm that this man I believe You told me is really the man you have prepared for me.

I first believed this in 2010 but got confused when what happened afterwards was the exact opposite of what I expected. Then, last year I thought I heard from you that this man is really the real deal. And then what happened this year got me confused again. I started thinking maybe it was just me who's trying to convince myself that he is the one you prepared for me because he's the one I wanted. That's highly possible, Lord, even though I took a vow that I would never allow myself to fall for someone without hearing from you.

It's exhausting, Lord. I am again affected emotionally. I am again asking when will this waiting come to an end. When? When? When? I am again starting to feel the excruciating pain of waiting.

While I was asking You, Lord, to indulge me in this because I needed it, there was this tiny little voice inside that was telling me You're not gonna do it this time... because this should be a matter of faith. I wanted the easy way out. I just really want to know I'm doing the right thing in waiting for this man. I wanted to know if I should continue to wait or be open to another possibility.

I want to give up. But even that is also not an option. I feel like I am left without an option but to wait. How did this happen to me, Lord?

The fleece I was asking: If he sends me a private message between the time I asked for it till 11:59pm Philippine time of 10 Nov. 2012, he is the man you prepared for me. If otherwise, then he's not and I should forget him and wait for another man.

Lord, true to my word, I'm gonna do that. That's what I said, so I'm gonna start forgetting him... TT.TT Help me do this, Lord. This is a gargantuan task for me to do. I'm soooooooo confused!!! Lord, save me!!! I don't like what I'm feeling right now. TT.TT

Just heard the Lord telling me through Jacqui Saburido... Don't give up. Keep on goin'!

I Heard You... Loud and Clear!

Sighs!!! I refuse to believe that our relatives are more important to my mom. I believe she didn't really want her words tonight to sound the way it sounded to me. I think she also felt bad at what her words implied. But still I felt hurt, Lord.

I'm not angry, though. I choose not to. I don't want to. I'd rather forgive and let it go than wallow on it. I also choose not to think about it anymore.

I don't know if it was right that I shared what happened to me and mama to my good friend, Tuks. However, it felt good that I had somebody I could talk to about it. It makes the healing faster. If I was wrong in doing that, Lord, I'm really sorry... Please forgive. No pun intended. I just wanna release my feelings.

Lord, I'm sorry if I have hurt mama with my words kanina. I was very sarcastic. I did not restrain my mouth. Please help me learn to do that, Lord. I pray I'll be able to restrain myself from saying and doing things that can hurt people's feelings, Lord. I also pray for more tolerance, patience, and love, Lord. I pray for healing to my wounded heart, Lord. Thank You, Jesus. This I pray in Your might name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Thank You, Lord.

Lord, I'd like to take this time to say thanks to You. You've been so kind and faithful. My day may not be perfect, but it certainly was good enough. I thank you for making me feel better today than yesterday. I also thank you for the sales of my online shop from Haze Baltazar. Thank You for the good health, protection, and favor you've shown my family, loved ones, and friends, Lord. I praise You for all the good things You are doing in my life right now, Lord. Lord, please guide me in my every day decisions. Help me and mold my character every day, Lord. Convict me and discipline me when I do wrong. I may not like the pain and discomfort that comes with discipline, but it's a good way to develop a heavenly personality. I'm such an imperfect person, Lord. A lot of people do not like me so much because of that. But, I continue to praise You because You've never given up on me and never will, Lord. Continue to bless us, Lord. More pa, Lord because I know YOu have more wonderful things prepared for us. Lord, forgive me for my sins. Love You, Lord, This I pray in Jesus' mighty name. Amen. ^___^

Prayer Granted

I'd been praying real hard in the past days for God to take away my feelings for this man if he isn't the one for me or put my feelings for this man at the back of my mind until it's the right time for it... Last night, I saw that he changed his profile photo on this messenger I'm using to communicate with him and my other friends. And without fear or hesitation, I sent him a 'Hi. How are you?' message. It felt refreshing because this time I wasn't craving for a reply from him. I just did it because I wanted to.

After 30 minutes or so, my messenger notified me of a message that arrived. Before I opened it, I told myself not to expect the message to be from him. But, it was from him. I felt happy of course. But it was different this time. The happiness was real, but it wasn't demanding and expecting too much. It was a bit restrained. I had to remind myself not to interpret what just happened to be something else.

The exchange of messages between us was quite short, but it was meaningful. I felt his concern for me. I felt happy because he cared. But again, I had to remind myself not to go overboard and start expecting and dreaming and craving and becoming impatient. I praise God for hearing my prayer. It's cool this way because I don't get impatient. It's safe for me this way. I get to protect my heart. It's good.

I still believe he is the man for me. I'm just no longer rushing and I've finally really submitted my feelings for him to God. You know, let go and let God. Life is good. I'm good. ;)

So Sticky!!!

This feeling for him is soooooo sticky... I want this feeling out of my system... or just forget about it until it's the right time for it. Lord... Lord... I don't want to yearn for him any longer. If I have to wait, please let me wait comfortably. Please, Lord... Please... T.T

It's time for bed again... I don't wanna think about him before I fall off to sleep... Nooooo... Please... T.T

Righteousness is the Key to Unlocking God's Blessings

This is an important lesson I've learned from Proverbs 10.

verse 3
The Lord does not let the righteous go hungry,
     but he thwarts the craving of the wicked.


verse 6
Blessings crown the head of the righteous,
     but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked.

verse 24
What the wicked dread will overtake them;
     what the righteous desire will be granted.

When I read these verses, I understood what happened in the past. I realized I was living an unrighteous life that was why I didn't get the things I desired. Although some of the things were not really meant for me, some were clearly would have been given to me had I been obedient to God.

Now, the Lord has opened up another opportunity for me to earn more money. I'm going to take the important lesson I've learned tonight. I'm going to desire righteousness rather than wealth and success. I'm going to obey God and his commands, so that there will be no barriers between God's blessings and I. I'm going to pursue the Source of the blessings rather than the blessings...

Having learned this tonight, I made a promise to God that I'm going to give back to Him 10% of the income of my online shop. To God be all the glory. Amen!