I learned a very good lesson today. I realized that I've been taking God lightly. Actually, it's like I've forgotten that He is God after all. I've known all along that He is a Judge aside from the fact that He is love. I knew that. But, I guess, I never really understood that. I knew He is my Father and that He loves me unconditionally. However, I forgot that as a Father, He does get angry too and may withhold mercy and forgiveness when He sees I'm not really sincere in asking for forgiveness.
Lately, I've been struggling and I feel lost. All this time, God has been telling me of His greatness and that He is to be feared. But, I was too blind to see and understand what He was trying to tell me up until now. When I read Psalm 77, I suddenly realized what's truly happening to me. God has kept His face from me because I'm not truly repentant of my sins. He wanted to tell me that I can't take Him lightly. He is the King of kings and Lord of lords. He is the great I Am.
I thought whenever I prayed and say sorry, that's already it. I thought it is His obligation to forgive me whenever I mutter the words 'sorry' or 'forgive me'. God checks the heart. And in my heart, He saw I wasn't really sincere. I was just saying 'sorry' because I had to, not because I really was. No wonder nothing seems to be going right in my life right now.
I am so thankful that finally God has reached me and I heard Him. I'm truly sorry, Lord. And, I really mean it. I'm sorry for cheating. I'm sorry for my arrogance. I'm sorry for taking you lightly and for treating you like a servant rather than a God. Oh my~ Now I realize the gravity of my sin. Forgive me, Lord. I was so foolish. Please do not withhold your mercy and compassion towards me any longer. Lord, I beg You. Please forgive me. I'm sincerely sorry and I now understand my mistake. I love You, Lord. I'm sorry if I hadn't loved You as much as you deserved to be loved. Thank You, Lord for making me realize my mistakes. I'm sorry!
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